Game of Thrones: Season 7, Episodes 1-3

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I'm going to say what most other publications have been tip-toeing around while having the gall to hand out "B+" ratings (I'm looking at you, A.V. Club) to the current season of Game of Thrones: it's not very good. I won't go so far as to say it's bad, but it is not very good. Most of the characters who were once thoughtfully developed and three dimensional no longer appear to know what they are doing and a couple of characters who have no substance or depth to speak of are omniscient and magically teleporting around with gigantic fleets of ships, fully anticipating the moves of their adversaries because….no one knows. Remember when Game of Thrones was really that? A game? A strategic maneuvering of resources and loyalties? A chess match between cunning and vicious rivals? This ain't that anymore. Now that David Benioff and D.B. Weiss are fully off book, we're watching a beautiful, talented ensemble cast with cutting edge special effects on an international stage essentially playing checkers.

Euron Greyjoy, as the apparent Big Bad of the season so far, is the worst villain of GoT and not because he's more hateful than Joffrey or more sadistic than Ramsay. It's because he's just annoying. We hated those other characters while at the same time desperately wanted to see more of them, eagerly anticipating the point when they would get their comeuppance but with Euron, as an audience, we just want him to go away. Never mind the fact that other, more capable publications have pointed out that the MacGuffin fleet built by the Ironborn would have taken decades in ideal circumstances and with near infinite resources to complete but seems to have come together in maybe a month or two, just enough time to be manned and deployed against Dany's now completely useless Iron Fleet. How is Euron such a masterful tactician and god of the seas? Because he was a pirate for 15 years somewhere. That's how. Just like being a fry cook for a decade or so fully prepares you to run a fast food empire.

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Daenerys, despite having a dozen or so awesome titles and the council of Tyrion, Missandei, Grey Worm, Olenna Tyrell, Varys, Yara Greyjoy, and the Dornish ladies, has gotten her ass kicked three episodes in a row, now. The only logical conclusion is that she has a traitor in her midst but if that's the case there has been zero allusion or foreshadowing of this, which would be frustrating but at least somewhat logical. In fact, if this is not the case that will be even worse because the absence of believable logic is reaching epic proportions of late. More so, the meeting between Jon and Dany, something fans (myself included) have been slobbering for for years now has finally taken place and it had all the fireworks and excitement of a weekly board meeting. If this is supposed to start out like some kind of When Harry Met Sally situation where they hate each other at first and slowly fall in love, I GUESS, but so far the absolutely tepid and stiff interactions are a massive disappointment. This is the center of my argument regarding the pacing of the season, or complete lack thereof, it strongly gives the impression that David and D.B simply don't give a fuck and are only sprinting for the finish line at this point. And if you're wondering, yes, I know Dany and Jon are technically Aunt and Nephew but you know what, I don't give a shit. Weirder things have happened in this show. Why can't we have ONE nice, if technically incestuous, thing?!

Sansa and Littlefinger are still hanging out. That seems like a fantastic idea, especially since he seems to have perfected his leering/conniving/shiftiness like it's his freaking job. Like, has no one gotten weary of how this dude is constantly leaning against walls watching everyone do shit with that creepy look on his face? And I may never forgive this show for almost getting me excited about a scene where Sansa is rushed to the front gate because it's (my thought process, "Please be Arya, please be Arya, please be…..ah, it's FUCKING Bran…") the Three Eyed Raven who is apparently full on Neo-in-the-Matrix-sequels now, full of cryptic weirdness and robotic delivery, has safely returned to Winterfell. Maybe it's the combination of the writing and the actor but I'm not buying all seeing, all knowing Bran here, he just seems like that guy in college who discovered Siddartha and LSD and decided he was Buddhist all of a sudden. How he's going to factor into the last ten (!) episodes of the show is anyone's guess but if I had to venture a theory, it's probably to ruin something/everything somehow. After all, none of this shit would have happened if he had managed to stay off the fucking rooftops in the first place. You killed your parents, Bran.

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I was a reader from an early age and, in waiting rooms, I occasionally skipped Highlights magazine and went straight for Reader's Digest. To anyone not familiar, it was essentially a stripped down cliff notes type periodical that shared random stories and biographies in the most efficient manner possible. Who/what/where/when/why and then onto the next anecdote. The closest contemporary comparison I could make is Wikipedia. Game of Thrones, in all of it's scale and scope and horror and beauty, has been reduced to the storytelling conciseness of a Wikipedia article, with no style or pacing or atmosphere. There's a reason GRRM's novels were so damn long, he was world-building, creating a detailed, living, breathing place that fans of the genre flocked to. It's why the show was so damned good in the first place, because it was faithful to the patient storytelling techniques of a novel. It was about interactions, Arya and Tywin Lannister unknowingly stalking each other throughout a scene,  Ramsay methodically destroying Theon Greyjoy's body and mind, Jon and Tyrion getting to know and respect each other on the journey to The Wall, and that's what is ultimately the problem since season six: the literal and figurative absence of the journey. The much commented on absence of travel time for, well, anyone at this point is why there is no meat on the bone anymore, no substance to what's happening. Weiss and Benioff have quite simply forgotten that, although we want to know what happens to these characters we have gotten to know so well, we also want to hang out with them. We like them. We like the way they talk and interact. And in their big ol' rush to get to the exciting bits, the journey itself has been all but forgotten. Which is a damn shame.

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